- Melissa Eppard is a 46-year-old who was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer at the age of 36.
- The diagnosis, double mastectomy, chemotherapy, and loss of confidence took a toll on her sex life.
- Ten years later, she has slowly learned ways to be confident in her body.
This featured article is based on an interview with Melissa Eppard, co-founder of Mary above. Edited for length and clarity.
In 2014, when I was 36 years old, my 3-year-old son was crawling around me and accidentally hit me in the chest. I felt a lot of pain, and that’s when I found a lump in my left breast.
At this time, I was between jobs and had no health care. I applied for health care under the Affordable Health Care Act, but it took me six months to finally receive my diagnosis of stage three invasive ductal carcinoma. with the BRCA 1 gene.
Cancer affected my sex life
I was at my new job when my doctor called to tell me the news. I remember being surprised. I threw myself on the floor and sat on the carpet crying. All I could think about was the worst case scenario. I thought about all the people I knew who died of breast cancer. Would I see my son grow up? How would my husband raise him alone?
That initial pain of learning that I had cancer took control of my life. I was very nervous and stressed all the time. Sex was definitely not on the table.
When it came time for my double mastectomy, I opted for reconstruction after they removed my breasts and assured me the implants would be safe. Also, at that time, the options given were about how I would reconstruct the breast mounds.
I felt a deep pain every time I looked down at my chest after the reconstruction. It was a reminder of this tragedy. I didn’t feel good at all.
We hugged each other and didn’t talk about cancer at night
Immediately after the surgery, I started IVF to freeze my eggs as I was told that I would lose my fertility due to the chemotherapy. As long as I have a uterus, even if my eggs are removed, I could carry a child, or someone else could be our surrogate.
When the chemotherapy started, I lost all my hair and my periods. I felt incredibly weak, nauseous and tired.
Even though I often didn’t want to date my husband, I knew that if you don’t use it, you lose it. I knew how important intimacy, not just sex, was in our relationship. Many couples cannot afford cancer screening and treatment.
We started off easy, with just a little nudge. We made a rule that we wouldn’t talk about cancer until the evening – I needed to shut that conversation down so I wouldn’t start it.
I rarely felt good during these months, which had a huge impact on my confidence during sex. Although making love did not stop during chemotherapy, it was less intense and less frequent. Our sex life was hanging in the balance.
I had to be willing to feel like myself again
Two years after the surgery, I decided to make a beautiful tattoo over my implants. I went from feeling out of the ordinary to something out of the ordinary and out of the ordinary. There was no one like me in the world. During intimacy, I could look at myself and not feel scared or lose touch again.
My breast implants were getting worse, so I went back to my original breast surgeon and asked if he could remove the implants and replace them with a mastectomy. -implants. He turned to my husband to ask how he would feel about it and he told me that he would only do the surgery for someone with a physical problem.
I separated myself, afraid, that he would not think of my pain and unhappiness. I found another doctor who operated on me. I was surprised at how free and comfortable I felt when I was flat chested.
For years, my desire and sex life were like a stalled car. But now, I feel like my engine is running. I couldn’t compare my sex life before cancer to now. It can take away my joy from where I am. I’ve worked so hard to get here and I can’t dwell on what intimacy looked like.
I am still here, and my marriage is strong. And thank you very much.